Looking for a job is a lot like dating. And oh the excitement of the first date (um, interview)! You know what it’s like when the magic happens…no lulls in the conversation, you have tons in common. S/He even tells you how much s/he likes you and wants to see you again (uh, I mean come in and meet the rest of the team). And then…NOTHING.

Because, for any number of reasons, s/he’s just not that into you.

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do…You deserve a phone call.” ― Greg Behrendt, Author, He’s Just Not That Into You

If I had a nickel for everyone who just wasn’t that into me - job search, business development, and dating back in the day - I’d be writing this junk from Tahiti. But I can take it. It’s business and stuff happens.

During the past year of my start job search, I’ve met some amazing people who have become friends. They were direct and straight forward, saying they didn’t have anything for me and offering advice or to help in other ways. But I’ve been shocked - shocked! -by some of the behavior I’ve seen from execs at top start ups such as(note: not all of these examples happened to me):

• President who said “I think this is a match” and introduced job seeker to other person on the team. Other person asks job seeker to send outline of ideas to introduce their product to a new market. Ideas sent. And despite repeated follow up…NOTHING. (note: stay tuned for future post on giving away the milk for free.)
• CEO who reached out to job seeker because he “might have something”. A lovely meeting ensued. CEO said that “it looks like we can work something out,” asked for salary requirements, and “a few days to put something together”. And despite repeated follow up…NOTHING.
• COO strung job seeker along for several months, but job seeker remained persistent because s/he loved the company. COO finally moves forward and has job seeker meet with 12 (no, that’s not a typo) people. Everything goes well. And despite repeated follow up…he tells her that they don’t know what they’re doing with the job and then sends flowers thanking job seeker “for bearing with us” the next day.

“A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he’s just not that into you.” ― Greg Behrendt

My message to recruiters and executives is: We get it. You’re busy. And we may not be the right person for the job. That’s cool. But you are a successful person who doesn’t let things stand in your way. If the answer is no, send the email or pick up the phone and politely tell us it’s not us, it’s you. That’s what leaders do.

My message to job seekers is, well, I’ll let Greg say it: “Cut your losses and don’t waste your time. Why stay in some weird …limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory?” ― Greg Behrendt